Friday, December 30, 2011

Almost back to added :)

This little kiddo that is sleeping soundly just to my left is going to be 8 weeks old next week. TWO MONTHS. I can't believe how quickly time has flown by.

I am having a lot of internal struggles with what is going on with this peanut. I was told that he was going to be a low legal risk.. I am finding out that is different. BM is more involved than I can even explain. As a "true" foster parent, that is great..she SHOULD be involved and doing anything she can to get her baby back. As a possible adoptive parent,this is incredibly frustrating. This woman knows the in's and out's of the foster care system. She is appealing everything...and doing things like reporting me to her attorney for giving the baby a nook.

I am loving having this little man in my home. I hope he stays for a very long time.. perhaps forever. I had no idea that a birth parent could give me this much frustration. I would love it, as well, if the agency would give me straight answers... or at the very least, inform me of things as simple as court dates... and what they are for. Half of me is always on alert that they will show up at my door to take peanut back to his mom without any notice. That isn't fun.

Over all, the good out weighs the bad.

His first Christmas was wonderful... and he is doing great at night... next week he will start daycare.  I have met another foster couple who have a little boy the same age (a few days older) as mine, and they invited me over for a really great visit the other night. It was SO NICE to talk to other women who are having my same feelings!

I am dating a woman named Traci. I don't know how much I mentioned of her in the past. We knew each other in the 90's when I was dating Lisa. After Lisa's death, we lost touch... and then reconnected over facebook. I wish I had the words to put down exactly how I felt about her. We are building a beautiful story. I really feel like she was brought back into my life for a reason. It is strange for me to talk about this seeing as it has only been 6 months since my break up... but I am really beginning to see "me" come back. We laugh and have a wonderful time.. she TALKS to me.. imagine that!?!? She is beautiful and butch and tall and strong. This connection we have is everything that I have been searching for in the last 6 years.

It is interesting that once you leave a relationship and look back. I wasn't horribly unhappy with Mic. It was always a cool 72 degrees. Nothing spectacular. Nothing passionate. It was just how I thought life was going to be. Yanno.. fine.

Now I have Traci. The passion is back in my life. The excitement. The romance. I am loving every single moment. She is excited about ME. She is excited about possibly having a family together. She is excited about our story.

So.. life is good. It is exactly what I have always wanted.

Ok... I tried uploading pics from my phone and they were gigantor size... Let's see if this will work better..

Monday, December 12, 2011

As I dig in my pocket

And find a binkie, I realize I am a mom. Temporary or not, I am one. My dream is happening...and *I* did it. Me.

I am going to pat myself on the back for one in this insanity of case worker visits, classes, in home visits and then trying to have my own life on top of it....I realize that for the first time ever, I am doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing... And by the grace of God...I am doing a pretty good job.

On top of that, I am dating an amazing woman who adores me as much as I do her. Not to mention the friends that I have who have been in my corner this whole time.

I am blessed.

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