Tuesday, April 30, 2013

1 has to be the new 3.

I swear this girl is on the cusp of being a teenager. Okayfine. She is only one. But MAN I have a feeling we are going to have our hands full with her.

Aren't kids all supposed to be like the kids on Family Ties? All polite and kind and don't have snot running down their faces all the time or throwing herself into a tantrum every time she gets her diaper changed or vomit in the cart at Costco- which we don't realize until everything was on the belt and the cashier put her hand in it? I could tell by her face she thought it was glorious.

Yes. Bean turned 1. We had a nice get together with people coming from near and far. The sun was out in Wisconsin and it was a perfect 70 degree day. Bean dug in that cake like we had been training for it- she rocked it ouuuut!

We have had a couple of court hearings since my last blog entry. I am not even going to go into detail about them as it would simply be details with no outcome. They were pretty much a waste of time. So, we simply move forward day by day loving this little girl as much as possible.

Chapter 23423... we are trying to figure out a way that Traci could go down to part time and we would open our home to more of a fostering situation than foster/adopt.

More on that to come.

I have to punch out and get home to my beautiful family  :)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

What the WHAT?

Two days ago I wrote an email to the GAL and CC'd case workers and GAL social workers and licensing workers.... a very innocent "just so that we are all on the same page" email.. and "our 6 month hearing is in SIX DAYS.. get off your asses and come see this child" email...

The next morning I am "very busy working" and open my email... there is one there from the caseworker. It states that the TPR paperwork has been accepted by the DA and our first hearing is on the 29th.


Through tears, and.. um.. while I am still "very  busy working"... I log onto facebook and message my friend that I met through fostering to ask her what the hell this is all about... and what does it mean?? She calls me immediately exclaiming "THIS IS A GOOD THING!!! YOU CAN BREATHE!!!" I break down in tears.

All I want to do is exhale.

All I want to do is to be done with all of this.

All I want to do is to get to an adoption day with Bean and for her to have our last name.

All I want is to call her my daughter...and know that statement is legal and binding.

I was talking to my mom about our exciting news and she stated "you are going to be a great mom!". I didn't correct her. I wanted to say Mom, I have been a mom for almost 2 years now. Just because my little boy was with me only temporarily, doesn't make me any less of a mom. I wont turn INTO a mom on adoption day. Granted, I may suck at it most days and her clothes sit in laundry baskets far too long- and I don't have one damn piece of homemade art with her hand print on it that morphs into a butterfly with some swoops of a sharpie marker. But I am her mom.. and together with Traci- we make a pretty good team of moms.

I know that this court date on the 29th is the first in a LONG LINE of court dates... and nothing is set in stone and WONT be until we are there on adoption day and get our first picture of Beans "forever family" with the judge. But I am pretty good at holding my breath and knocking on wood and through all of this I have found faith that good things DO happen.

Thursday, April 4, 2013


My mom is still in the rehab  hospital because of her fall she had the Monday after our wedding.  I wish I could take away her pain and put it into my body. I could deal with it.. somehow. My parents have always been the ones go-go-going. I would compare them to other parents that were younger than them.. the younger ones so often seemed older. I don't want to see my mom in that hospital bed again. She is working hard with PT and OT (as my sister calls her: The Queen of all Bitches, Nina).
I am going there on Saturday and I am going to help her dig a tunnel out. It may take some effort to get it large enough so that her walker will fit through too..

The Bean had a visit again on Monday. BM made her mashed potatoes. Thrilling. Mom of the Year. Now maybe she should stop posting pictures of her in short skirts with a bare ass hanging out.

Time is going so quickly. Bean will be one year old in a few weeks. We are having a little party. I am starting to freak out about it as what the hell do you do at a party for a one year old? It is kind of turning out to be a party for adults that kids will be present for... but what do the kids do? Do I need to have crafts, activities, games? Who knows if it is going to be warm enough to play outside... I will google it.

I have had so many warm fuzzies this week. I went to coffee with some girlfriends and we sat and laughed and talked for three hours. I was on cloud nine. These women bring me strength and an energy that carries me for days. I also got to see my Nonny. I adore her. We had lunch and walked around their furniture store and laughed with her husband. I needed some time with her. She and I go through these loops of talking.. not talking.. life getting in the way.. not enough time. But we always come back to one another. I love that.