Two days ago I wrote an email to the GAL and CC'd case workers and GAL social workers and licensing workers.... a very innocent "just so that we are all on the same page" email.. and "our 6 month hearing is in SIX DAYS.. get off your asses and come see this child" email...
The next morning I am "very busy working" and open my email... there is one there from the caseworker. It states that the TPR paperwork has been accepted by the DA and our first hearing is on the 29th.
Through tears, and.. um.. while I am still "very busy working"... I log onto facebook and message my friend that I met through fostering to ask her what the hell this is all about... and what does it mean?? She calls me immediately exclaiming "THIS IS A GOOD THING!!! YOU CAN BREATHE!!!" I break down in tears.
All I want to do is exhale.
All I want to do is to be done with all of this.
All I want to do is to get to an adoption day with Bean and for her to have our last name.
All I want is to call her my daughter...and know that statement is legal and binding.
I was talking to my mom about our exciting news and she stated "you are going to be a great mom!". I didn't correct her. I wanted to say Mom, I have been a mom for almost 2 years now. Just because my little boy was with me only temporarily, doesn't make me any less of a mom. I wont turn INTO a mom on adoption day. Granted, I may suck at it most days and her clothes sit in laundry baskets far too long- and I don't have one damn piece of homemade art with her hand print on it that morphs into a butterfly with some swoops of a sharpie marker. But I am her mom.. and together with Traci- we make a pretty good team of moms.
I know that this court date on the 29th is the first in a LONG LINE of court dates... and nothing is set in stone and WONT be until we are there on adoption day and get our first picture of Beans "forever family" with the judge. But I am pretty good at holding my breath and knocking on wood and through all of this I have found faith that good things DO happen.