Friday, September 27, 2013

Parking lot (updated)

I'm sitting here in the parking lot of children's court. I'm early. Right now there is a wave of employees walking in and I am surrounded by women sitting in their cars...waiting. There is no differentiating who are birth parents, foster parents or other relatives.

Children's court is a surreal experience. 

There are people gathering in the hallways that are there to celebrate adoptions... Sitting next to parents who are there to fight for their kiddos... Sitting next to parents that are so high or mentally impaired  they don't know how they got there and don't really understand what is happening.

Today is court for Mr. Handsome. His bio mom may or may not show up. I have never met her before. But as I walk in and check in- it won't slip my mind that she loves her son. And while I am there with hopes of adopting him, she is there as his first mom who is struggling with drug and mental health issues that I can't even wrap my head around. 

I brought pictures for her - she needs to see him healthy and happy. I want her to know that he is loved and well taken care of. If I was his first mom, I would need to know those things. 

Ok. Now it's my turn to walk in. Here we go.


Well, Mom showed. She looked exactly like she does in every one of her facebook photos. I didn't know what to expect. She did look tired. I can imagine she is.

Court went as to be expected. We will be going back at the end of October.

After court I approached Mom.  I introduced myself and she returned my smile. She looked kind.

I handed her the pictures, she gasped and burst into tears. "Is this him?" she asked. "Is this  him? He looks so different!" Yes, I said.. it is him. I explained how old he was in each photo and where they were taken.  

I held it together.

She thanked me a million times.. I told her he is an amazing kid. She smiled through her tears and said.. "he is?" I said yes.. he is...

She asked if he was talking. I explained his personality and that he is LOUD but not talking yet... I told her a bit about him and what he is doing...

She stared at the pictures, standing very close to me.. tears streaming down her face.

I whispered... "Come to court.. show up.. and I will bring you more, okay? Deal?"

She nodded.. thanking me again.

I explained that Mr. Handsome's former foster mom has lots of pictures and we will be getting together so she can give them to me. She explained that when she was having visits, the former foster mom sent a disposable camera-- and they took pictures with Mr. Handsome and Mom.  She asked that I PLEASE get them from Former Foster Mom for Mr. Handsome.. so he has them.. she made sure I would do that. Of course I said I would. 

She thanked me more and I grabbed her and hugged her tight.. I said, "honey- you are so very welcome.. come back.. there will be more".

I had to walk away.

When she asked that-- about the pictures she took.. to make sure I got them for HIM. It was almost as if she was saying... I know I wont see him. But let him know who I am ... that I love him.

That short conversation of two moms was life changing. We love the same baby. We are both his mom. Neither of us love him any less.

Something I read somewhere.. I don't know who said it first... but I agree with it 100%

Children born to another woman call me “Mom.” The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.



  1. You are such a great person. I am not as understanding as you and I really admire you.

    1. Nonny- no greater than any mom. You included.
      xo ciw

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks, Friend.. I appreciate it!
      Can't wait for your trip!!! :)

  3. I am glad the rest of the day went well. You are a very strong Mom and I admire your ability to love these kids and still want the connection with the birth mom. I do know they love their children too but are not in a place to take care of them, but I do not know if I would be able to do that.