Peanut Butter's caseworker contacted us and to let us know she was given a picture of PB's first birthday to pass along to us.
We received it in the mail.
It was good to see him smiling... and of course, we couldn't help but think that he would be smiling BIGGER with us. It is a foster parent sickness, I am sure-- to think that the kids would be better with you.
I attempted to contact BM (as I was told that she has been trying to email me) and I finally got a response, "Ur nuts. Leave us ALONE".
Ouch. That stung.
I forget she has mental illness. I forget that she isn't OKAY. I suppose I just want to believe so bad that she IS okay, as I don't want PB to be raised by a wacky mom.
It was my fault for giving her the benefit of the doubt.
So, I attempted to reach out to the case worker to see what the heck was going on-- and why I am getting so many mixed signals. Of course, she did not respond. Why did I think she would?
In the systems eyes, we are just glorified babysitters. Even though we commit our lives to these kids, we care for them day in and day out.. take them to doctors, visits, hospitals..we are up in the night, we are the faces they know. They are our lives. But yet.. in the eyes of "the system" we don't deserve explanations or responses. This is, no doubt, one of the hardest things about being a foster parent. One that I can't get used to... that I don't think ANY foster parent should get used to. We deserve a voice.
So. In the eyes of a mentally unstable woman, I am nuts. Ohhh JOY.
We are ready to adopt Bean. I want to be done. We belong to a facebook group for foster parents and this week has been full of announcements of adoptions and TPR's and stories of wonderful relationships between BM's and foster parents.
I am ready for it to be our turn. Bean's BM is still on the run. She has made it completely obvious that she doesn't want anything to do with Bean.. so lets move forward.
In other news... holy crap it is almost Christmas and I have not purchased one gift.