Monday, March 12, 2012

I have to remember

In this world of foster care that I need to ease up a bit on BM.

Today in our communication notebook, I stated that PB has a cold and is congested. It seems like we have been battling this same cold ... with easier moments than others... since January when he had RSV. 

She apparently didn't like the outfit I sent him in (um. it was adorable) so, she put on shoes that were too small, a short sleeve onesie and a sweatshirt that was two sizes too small... all brown. He looked like a mini UPS driver... anyways.. she sent the clothes and blanket and coat I sent him in back in a plastic bag with a note ripped out of a notebook that says:

"use vicks plug-ins and sit in a bathroom with a steamy shower... thatll help"

I am not sure why these notes of hers  make me roll my eyes and slap my forehead. I think maybe because I don't like it when people don't think I am smart enough to figure things like that out.

What I really need to do is look at this from her perspective. Someone else is raising her child. A child that she didn't give up on her own.. that was taken from her. If she SHOULD have custody of him or not, isn't really what I am talking about. What I am saying is that she loves him and wants to take care of him on her own. I would be telling the people that had my baby the same things.

But then I would also want to KNOW everything about what my baby is doing... and she has never asked.


  1. I know you are working with a system that I do not know or understand at all. But you are dealing with a person who will throw a stroller during a visit with her child; and send you notes saying that you may only feed him her milk, which she then will not send. So as you navigate the system, and understand that PB's situation (and therefore yours) is less stable than you'd like - also understand that this woman doesn't do language, or life, or priorities, like you do. All you have to do is your due diligence. And that doesn't include any feeling at all about her. I don't mean you have to become a robot, just that you don't have to try to figure her out. You just have to do what you have to do to keep yourself doing your due diligence with the system.

    1. omg you are EXACTLY right...

      At the same time, it is hard to not watch everything she does or says and wonder if that will have some sort of affect on the outcome of this all..

  2. Yeah I do get that. It's entirely possible that others who are in charge of PB's fate will take her more seriously than any one statement or set of behaviors should be taken at any given time; and that could affect things. I'm just saying for the sake of your own sense of sanity, it's really not necessary to try to figure out what she's thinking, intending, or planning to do next. You probably won't be able to predict it.

    I do understand that this does not make things easier. Urgh. (Note that I have no experience with the foster care system, but I have a mother who also needs to be taken much less at her word than most people take her. Nuff said...)