I visited it again today and began to pick out random days to read.
It was interesting reading the daily going on's of life then. I had time to bake, go out with friends, read..nap.
I think about my life today and even if our house smells like a poopy diaper half the time and I haven't actually lit candles or had an uninterrupted hour of simply sitting with Traci in months, I wouldn't change it for the world.
This morning I dropped PB off at daycare and said goodbye to him until Monday. This weekend I am not his mom. Someone else will be making decisions like where to take him, how to dress him.. someone else will be scooping him up out of his crib in the morning and cuddling with him on the couch.
This weekend I won't have to say "No glasses" "no blinds" "we don't bite" "This is nothing new- I change your diaper (insert: change clothes/put on pajamas/brush teeth/put you in your highchair) everyday--so you can stop crying" "no hair"...etc etc etc.. 1 million times a day. This weekend his little 10 month old brain will forget who I am and he will be living in the moment with his mom.
I will miss him.
Traci and I are stressed out to capacity. Literally one second we have talked it out and think we have figured out how to be "okay"... then 45 minutes later one of us is crying.
Ugh. Forget it. I don't want to write about this anymore!!!! I don't want to freaking THINK about this anymore!!! I just need this transition to be done.
Lets talk about something else, shall we?
My old blog.. full of memories of Mic. I look back at our 72 degree life together and think that it was exactly what I needed at that time in my life... until I realized it wasn't. When I left, I left her almost everything (brand new living room furniture, bedroom furniture, kitchen furniture, big screen tv, wii... the list goes on) except a chair, a bed & couch that were mine when I moved in. I gave her money every month for 4 months after I moved out to help with the mortgage (of a house that isn't in my name.. she had it before I moved in) and bills.
She sent me a text today.
She wants the cell phone back.
The phone that I paid for the service through September of this year -- even though I didn't use it. The phone that cost ONE CENT to purchase.
And she wants it back ASAP.